I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
