I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's like iHOP with fire
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
