i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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