The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
