I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
