Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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