my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
