Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
