I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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