His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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