Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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