Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
