I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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