Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
