i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
