32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
