When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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