Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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