he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
