Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
