Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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