nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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