have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
