i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
