Only a mothe r could love this liver
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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