I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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