Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
