So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
