we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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