Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
