even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I checked into jail on foursquare
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
