I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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