To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
