Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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