we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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