Cold hands, warm shart.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
