Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
