she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
