It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
