Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
