I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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