omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
