Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
