and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
