i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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