They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
