My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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