it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
