Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
