He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
